Book: The Highly Sensitive Person
The Highly Sensitive Person |
0. Introduction |
4 steps:
- self knowledge - aka Body
- reframing past => higher self-esteem, lower over-arousal
- healing past
- help with feeling ok when out in the world - aka Balance
label
+ feel normal
+ benefit from research of others
- misses uniqueness
1. The Facts About Being Highly Sensitive: A (Wrong) Sense of Being Flawed |
facts
- everyone feels best when neither too bored or too aroused
- people differ in arousal (15-20% h)
arousal (!= fear)
trans-marginal-inhibition: shutdown point
causes:
- fear
- joy
- newness
- stress
fruits
- better at spotting errors and avoid making errors
- (highlyconscientious)
- concentrate deeply (best without distractions)
- vigilance, accuracy, speed, detect minor differences
- processmaterialto deeper levels (semantic memory)
- think about own thinking
- learn without being aware we learned
- affected by other people's moods & emotions
- - when watched
- - deeper processing -> slower
culture ideal
- China shy/sensitive (Sweden, Japan)
- Canada !=
"think about all the possible effects of an idea"
(E) think of 3 major changes in your life
- loss or ending seemed bad
- neutral
- good
for each:
- think about your response
- consider response with what you know
- think if there is anything to be done now
- write down old&new views of the experience
2. Digging Deeper: Understand Your Trait for All That It Is |
2 systems
- Behavioral activation
- move towards (new) things
- curious, bold, impulsive
- Behavioral inhibition (withdrawal) "automatic pause-to-check-system"
- move away from things
- alert, cautious, watchful
- compare everything with past-> normal -> OK-> abnormal
- pause
- understand
- OK
2 types of HSP
Low 1, Lower 2 calm, quiet, content with simple life
High 1, Higher 2 curious & cautious, easy bored, easyover-aroused=>narrowoptimal arousal
development according to Rothbard
| birth | -> negative
HSP more irritable aka"highly reactive" |
| 2M | -> behavioral activation system (1) -> active
- interest in new things
- anger & frustration when not getting what you want high: easily angered
low: placid/good |
| 6M | -> automatic pause-check-system active
- compare present vs past
- more subtle differences
- good experiences very important |
| 10M | -> shift attention
-> decide how to experience something
-> stop a behavior
handle conflicts between the 2 systems:override -imitation
-re-categorizing
-others'social help' (cf loving system)
-> trust others to help/rely on |
cortisol
bad sleep <-> high cortisol <-> fear
lower long term stress reaction:
- well attached caretakers
- timely naps
- uninterrupted sleep
- lower cortisol => lower short-term alarms
3. General Health and Lifestyle for HSPs: Loving and Learning From Your Infant/Body Self |
rest
- sleep
- need more sleep
- regular sleep "respect naturalrhythm"(!night-shift/mixed-shift)
- jet-lagrecovery
- rest with eyes closed
- "write off worries"
- play (conscientious&perfectionist=> details != play)
- fun != defined by non-hsp's
- book, quiet dinner
- vacation: cost ofcoming
- downtime
- transcendence (meditation, contemplation, prayer)
- pure (!= physical, effort,concentration) -> most deep rest
- consciousness
- being
- unity
- oneness with god
- eat
- exercise
- minerals
strategies -> over-arousal
- re-frame
- music
- close eyes
- walk
- water (drink, listen, bath, look)
- posture
- nature
- breath
- smile
- reposition
4. Reframing Your Childhood and Adolescence: Learning to Parent Yourself |
steps for entering new situations
- don'tgo alone
- talk about the situation, focus on what is familiar & safe
- allow yourself to go home if you need to
- expect to be OK after adjusting
- respondwith no more anxiety than the braver part thinks justified
"There sure is a lot going on here, it makes your heart pound with excitement doesn't it?"
By school-age, most
- HSP-boys are introverts
- HSP-girls don't have to put on the armor
"giftedness"
+ permits deviation from the norm
- pressured by adults
- self-worth -> achievements
- appreciate yourself for being <-> doing
- praise yourself for taking risks and learning new things <-> success
- don't constantly compare <-> competition
- give yourself opportunities to interact with other gifted people
- don'tover-schedule: daydream, think
- realistic expectations
- don't hide abilities
- be your own advocate, support your right to be yourself
- accept narrow/broad interests
-> ch 6
5. Social Relationships: The Slide Into "Shy" |
worry -> over-aroused
shyness:
- fear others won't like us
- state, not permanent
- inaccurate
- self-fulfilling
- negative
social discomfort:
-> over-arousal
-> fear of over-arousal => over-arousal
- leave
- change atmosphere/ask others to
- put up with it
- put on your persona
5 ways to handle over-arousal in social situations
- over-arousal != fear
- 1-on-1 with other HSP's
- use arousal-reducing skills
- develop a good persona (~= mask)
- explain your trait to others -> 2 stereotypes
- passive victim, weak, troubled
- gifted, deep, powerful presence
"mystery" <-> sympathy
pity
royal adviser class
persona: choosing the level of openness
remember names
say them in the next sentence
say them in the minute
present an idea
practice
complain
practice
energy goes towards the quiet people
public speaking
- prepare
- practive
- notes-> teach
recap
- shyness is not your trait, it's a state everyone can feel
- introverted social style is as valuable as the extroverted style
6. Thriving at Work: Follow Your Bliss and Let Your Light Shine Through |
vocation ~= purpose/mission
-> choose : keep hsp in mind
sensitivity is the key in successful parenting
7. Close Relationships: The Challenge of Sensitive Love |
hard, unrealistic crush -> after period of isolation
2 ingredients of normal love
- liking certain things about the other
- be declared to that she loves me
-> LOVE
- High arousal
- attributearousal to something
- high level of arousal -> self expansion, excitement ->attractedto someone
- Low self-esteem
- after breakup
- fear of being alone
- over-arousal
- faced with newfrightingsituations
- work through something together
Finding HSP's
- ask extravert
- soft activities
- -> noise/stimulation
2 HSP's
- safe harbor
- boring
HSP + non-HSP
- differences grow
- dummy area's <=> expert area's
take charge and decide you will stay home when fatigued
daily time alone
- explain why you need the break
- state when you'll be available again-> keep promise
- resistance-> explain more deeply
- HSP != excuse-> over-arousal is possible
fear of honest communication
over-arousal -> insensitive
!-> communicate
HSP's dread negative feelings
change
intuition ->imagine
becomes conscious
ground rules
- name calling
- muddling in past
- abusiveconfidences
- time-out (postpone)
positive meta-communication
reflective listening: say the feelings back
feelings are never wrong nor right
rejected parts
- strength, power, toughness, insensible parts
- irresponsibleunloving parts
- need for others
- need to be alone
- anger
8. Healing the Deeper Wounds: A Different Process for HSPs |
4 approaches
- long - short
- self - professional
- individual - group therapy
- self - family
- cognitive-behavioral
- interpersonal
- physical
- spiritual
(1)cognitive-behavioral
- cognitive: how you think
- behavioral: how you behave
ignores: feelings, unconscious motive
practical, rational, clear
(2)interpersonal psychotherapy
- Freudian
- Jungian
- object-relations
- gestalt
- Rogerian
- transactional analysis
- existential
- most electric therapies
talk
relationship -> counselor
group
(3)physical
- exercise
- improving nutrition
- acupressure
- herbal supplements
- massage
- ThaiChi
- yoga
- ...
- drugs
body changes mind
(4)spiritual
purpose
9. Medics, Medications, and HSPs: "Shall I Listen to Prozac or Talk Temperament With My Doctor?" |
HSP's that are not stressed or shy are more healthy
more false alarms
sensitive to medication
-> over-arousal with medication
explain sensitivity
HSP's experience more pain
calmness -> less pain
role-play
decide ahead of time
instant arousal blocking drugs
anti-anxiety -> addictive
- librium (sleepy)
- valium (sleepy)
- zanex
relaxants: alcohol,opiates
stimulants:caffeine, amphetamines
herbal (tea) less
- chamomile
- lavender
- passion flower
- hobs
- oat
Minerals
- Ca
- Mg
anti depressive
- 3 weeks to kick-in
long high stress => lessserotonin
highserotonin => high dominance
(?) youngest child => HSP?
very highserotonin= dangerous!
"quick fix does not exist" => "hard work in psychotherapy"
10. Soul and Spirit: Where True Treasure Lies |
- dreams
- imagination
- (very interested in ideas) silence
- supportive, considerate
- breaks accepted
- talked abouthalf: soul spirit life that defined themhalf: inner life, philosophy, religion, spiritual practices => new energyorganized religion: strongopinion
"priest class" 'sacred places'
-> creating & attending
introverted intuitive type: seer, prophet <->art
"we can only trust science" but science doesn'tanswerthe big questions
beliefs are not unchanging
poet -> rhilea
"HSP's lead in the search for wholeness
shadow: unethical impulseswechoose not to do
pursuit of wholeness balance = ambiguity
- sensing dreams (unconscious)
- intuiting active imagination(unconscious)
- thinking
- feeling
(E) Spiritual journey for a month
(E) experience weak points
x. References |
(Concerning thedistinction between sensitivity and introversion, Aron and her husband Arthur Aron published a 1997 paper "Sensory-Processing Sensitivity and its Relation to Introversion and Emotionality."
Aron, Elaine M., and Aron, Arthur,"Sensory-Processing Sensitivity and its Relation to Introversion and Emotionality"(WebCite archive),Journal of Personality and Social Psychology,vol. 73, no. 2 (1997): 345–68.