Video: Never Split the Difference - Chris Voss
Chris Voss: "Never Split the Difference" | Talks at Google
Tactical Empathy
There is an emotional component to every decision we take
No
After saying "No", they feel safe, and that opens them up for thinking, brainstorming
"Yes" feels unsafe
"No" -> "That's right"
get them to completely agree on somethgin
Books of Tahl Raz
3 Types of negotiation styles
- Direct, talker
- Analist
- Relationship
Empathy vs Compassion
"mirror back what they say, neutral, without emotion"
Prep for negotiation
volunteer at a suicide hotline
When you hear someone is angry, you should say "You sound angry"
It goes away
Compromise = lazy
you leave money on the table
you leave better alternatives unexplored
high-value trade
-> based on a drive to become rational
-> separate a person's position from there interests
-> "Why don't you tell me why you want, what you want"
---> "I don't want to, then you have power over me"
open ended questions
has a fantastic chapter on the tension between Empathy vs Assertivity, I review it regularly
Unknown Unknowns
There is 2 pieces of info your counterparty has that are really important to you
- what they know is important to you
- then have no idea is important
detecting deception is not helpful
Unknown Unknowns is when 2's overlap
Label
fake Christmas tree
"Seems like you had real Christmas trees when growing up"
football
"I would never have been able to say that for myself."
There is always going to be information you don't have.
Black Swan is something small making a big difference
"You're right"
When someone says "You're right" what they mean is "Shut Up and Go Away"
Anger
Goes away when labeled, but only when labeled sufficiently. Otherwise it explodes. Especially when they hold you accountable for it. You need to get close enough to what the other person feels, for someone to be able say "That's right"
wife
insufficient: "you're angry" -> explodes
better: "You feel like I have not respected you"
Reputation / Lying / Hard
Lying: I don't believe in lying
Attack: I don't believe in attacking
-> it's like a nuclear strike - long toxic residue
"No-deal is better than a bad-deal"